“But being a stay at home mom was the loneliest kind of lonely, in which she was always and never by herself.” – Barbara Kingsolver
I have never read a quote that spoke to me in a way that this quote did. I remember reading it when I was a stay at home mom and thinking to myself, “wow, someone else knows how I feel.”
Motherhood can be so, so lonely.
In fact, it was the loneliest place I have ever been.
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When I was home all day everyday with my daughter, I had never felt so lonely in my life. I had this beautiful little girl with me, yes, but I felt so alone.
And do you know the craziest part about it? I was too ashamed to tell anyone. I felt like I should be happy and thankful instead of lonely and bored.
I felt like I was the only person who was feeling the same way.
If I could go back and tell myself the things I have learned in the six years I have been a mom, I would tell her that it’s normal and it’s okay.
There are so many moms who feel just as lonely as you do. Mama, don’t hold it in. Please, don’t be ashamed.
Motherhood is the most amazing and magical experiences of my life. It is filled with so much love, so much joy and so many beautiful moments.
It is also the hardest and most trying thing I have ever done. Ever.
There are still days when I feel like I can’t do it anymore. There are also days when I feel so happy and content that I could cry.
When you feel like you are the only mom who is dealing with these emotions, please know that you are not.
Let me repeat that: You. Are. Not. Alone.
We have all been there. Every single one of us.
We have looked at the beautiful human beings that we are raising and still felt all alone.
And let’s face it, making friends and creating relationships as mom is hard. Like, first day at a new school when you don’t know a single soul, hard.
We spend our days knee deep in diapers, pacifiers, cooking dinner, homework, cleaning and trying to get the Wiggles song out of our head and rarely have enough time to go out and meet new friends.
Let me take you back to six years ago when I was a new stay at home mom. I literally had no mom friends. Zero.
I didn’t know anyone my age who had kids and most of my friends at the time weren’t even married yet. We also only had one car so when my husband was at work, I was home.
There was nowhere I could go and nothing I could do.
For someone like me, who suffers from anxiety, it wasn’t a good situation. I felt alone, trapped, depressed and empty.
It wasn’t until my little one started dance class, three years later, that I finally made my first mom friend. We sat next to each other every class and eventually started chatting.
We decided to have a play date and have been best friends ever since. Suddenly, I had another mom to talk to and didn’t feel so alone.
The thing is, no matter how lonely you feel, I promise you it is just a season. You will not feel like this forever.
I wish I had the answers for you mama. I wish I could tell you how long this feeling will last. I wish I could tell you what to do to make your heart happy.
I can’t give you a magic potion to fix your loneliness but I can tell you this: let yourself feel however you do. It doesn’t make you less of a mom. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your babies.
It just means that you are human.
From one lonely mama to another, one day you will not feel the pain of loneliness that you do right now. You will be okay.
Have you ever felt lonely as a mom?