Between the tantrums and the activities and the laundry and the disciplining, I forgot.
I forgot that my daughter will only be little once. I forgot that these moments are fleeting. I forgot that I will never have a job more important than being a mother.
But most of all, I forgot to enjoy being a mom.
Some days, to be honest, it is all I can do just to keep my head above water. It can feel like you are drowning in the homework, expectations and running around and you are just hoping and praying you can get through the day.
On those days, however, I am missing what truly matters.
I am missing those little smiles or hugs from my little girl because I am so consumed with other things.
I can’t even count on two hands and two feet the amount of times my daughter has asked me to come play a game with her and I have answered with “not right now” because I am too busy cleaning or making dinner. But do you know what I have realized? Those dust mites aren’t going anywhere. That dinner can wait 10 minutes. My daughter is growing up right before my eyes and I am not enjoying it. I am missing it.
It makes me so sad to think of all the times I have texted my husband while he was at work and she was being particularly difficult and told him that I am just not enjoying being a mom.
I don’t think anyone REALLY enjoys the time-outs and the temper tantrums or having to repeat themselves 25 times before their kids do what they ask. But intertwined with those frustrating moments are happy and fun little moments that often get overshadowed by the trying ones.
Along the way to being the mom that I thought I should be, I lost the mom I always wanted to be.
The mom who had fun with her kids and didn’t worry about being perfect. The mom who savored every single second, good or bad, with her children. The mom who tried her best but wasn’t too hard on myself. I lost her.
I was chatting with a fellow mom and friend of mine about playing with our kids and when I sat back and really thought about it, I couldn’t remember the last time I sat down with my daughter without my phone, TV or computer and played. Just played.
And that fact, breaks my heart.
This weekend, I sat on the couch with my daughter and the dogs, under her comforter and watched a Christmas movie on Netflix. Yes, it is May and not even close to Christmas. Yes, it is warm outside and I might have been sweating under the comforter. But I didn’t move. I didn’t check my phone. I rubbed her head and played with her hair, because she asked me to. We talked and laughed and cuddled. And although it was only an hour and a half out of the day, it was the best part of my day.
Mamas, we need to learn how to enjoy motherhood again!
We need to learn how to slow down, let it all go and enjoy this season of life. Because it is just that, a season. And this season, it will change. In a few years, those little kids will be older and out of the house and these moments will have flown by.
I know, motherhood is stressful. And strange. And hard. But it is also beautiful. And happy. And fun. I am going to try and focus on the joy.